I am currently wading through one of those oh-so-helpful career reflections, as is normal before a new academic year and it is usually centred around “why aren’t I further down the career line?” This is also not helped by the fact that my birthday is late August giving me an extra salt bae of panic and exactly zero clarity on said career reflections.
I was just washing my face thinking about a writer and creator whose career is my dream (and who I’d quite like to be friends with). Irritatingly, she is five years younger than me, which I can tell you does fuck all for the self-worth. Whilst quietly criticising myself and my choices as I rub the Glossier milky cleanser into my 37-year-old skin, I suddenly remembered that I have a kid. I stopped rubbing and uttered a long drawn out “oooooh” sound of understanding.
I have a near 11-year-old kid. I had him when I was 26, which was when I was supposed to start my MA (as I had to save in order to afford that back in the day - the money went on changing cars). I have been a single parent for nearly half of his life, shouldering debt left over from the marriage and the divorce. Then there’s childcare, afterschool clubs, school shoes, food (my GOD the food they consume) and all the other pointless shit kids like. There go the MA and PhD fees, not to mention any time to start the application let alone do the bloody research. I’ve spent the last five years treading water and I’m finally reaching land: my debts are pretty much gone and my kid is old enough to make his own breakfast and walk home from school. Now is the time for focus and drive but without the steaming side of Catholic guilt.
Disclaimer: This is not intended to be divisive or look down on those who are without children either by choice or otherwise. The sort of responsibility that comes with raising a kid can be applied to being a carer or being on a low income as well as a variety of other life obstacles. I know plenty of single parents who have the finances to make a lot of the inconveniences of parenting go away, but that is not the reality for most of us. Once again, the issue is class and privilege but I need to finish washing my face, so that’s for another day.
